What I’m feeling is the challenge of the shadow force, all the demons of experience, the past, all fighting to keep tormenting me.
The stronger I get the more I can picture them as the demons they are. That’s why its still important to read the abramelin, but I have to give credit to Jason Newcomb for my approach, his “sexual sorcery” also has some good information for this.
But I’ve just been mostly using very simple mantras, just OM Babalon, when its done for say 20 minutes has been working for me.
I got the last of the court stuff out of the way, so now I can concentrate on what I’m doing.
But now I understand why its important to do regular banishings, that’s what keeps this at bay, so that the connection doesn’t get lost. A really sensitive person could also spin into depression from the shadow trying to come back with a vengeance.
I’m also going to work on the “attaining nuit” working, as a balance between working a female hga archetype, working the babalon current, and invoking nuit.
This is really just my own personal take on the mass, which is also an hga attainment guide.
Now I have to do the work on my health, and get my own place, now that her lawyer knows I’m totally broke, then I can get my own place.
Ironically though, hiding out is not the answer, because I was finding I was being given signs through other people, and had I not been around I wouldn’t have gotten these messages.
To a standard therapist, talk like this would warrent medication or hospitalization.
However I’ve studied lots of shaman traditions, and what a shrink might call “loose association” sometimes turns out to be the kind of “folk wisdom” that saves whole people from annihilation.
Its almost like being a tracker, the Hunt for the HGA.