I’ve always suffered from the split will problem, which was exacerbated by the horrors of my roman catholic (darn, not gnostic catholic) childhood.
But I’ve found that doing the earth workingings is the only thing that’s made a big impact, in that with magick you can use astrology to identify problems or issues and then use the proper invocations to work on fixing them.
I’m just glad I didn’t wind up turning to any kind of “black magic” to fix my situation. I got into it partly that way, at least the issues with my “girlfriend”, who’s said she’s never been attracted to me, but resembles a doll I did three years of meditation on and made happen. I thought I’d get a partner like Cameron, but I got something else indeed.
She’s the type of person who always wants to be the manager, but hasn’t done the work. I wish she’d get into oto with me, but ultimately christianity is more attractive to people who don’t want to work.
She used to work, but got discouraged by a serious of bad employers and just decided to retire at 30.
But I’ve run my credit into the ground trying to support her, which is my fault, because I’m the giver.
I’ve got this flaw of always wanting to please everyone, and then also try to do my will, so I have one gemini “pleaser” face, and another gemini “doing will” face.
Well, that just doesn’t work, so now I just have one “gemini invoking taurus” face.